What is it like to be me at this stage? Just exactly as you are, right at this moment..Sitting ducks waiting for the next hit. Our circumstances might be different but we live in the same box we call the Universe and the bullets are certainly coming from all directions! Unfortunately, no duck is immune to it.
Chance favors the prepared mind, thus for the wise ones, they now have their vests on, ready to battle and will accept nothing less than triumph. Meanwhile across the lake, another group of ducks have already decided to gather all the white cloths they can get their hands on, utilize their God given skills and walla.. turns it all into white flags to wave it around, in a sign of solidarity and defeat.
The only common thing between these two groups is that, not one duck really knows what's coming or from which direction. So how does one survive such an attack? What does one group knows that the other doesn't seem to understand? After all the crap that I have been put through up till now, I believe it has always been in the HOW, WHAT and WHY shit happens.
HOW one duck perceives and accepts challenges as it comes, WHAT revelation the outcome brings, leads us to an understanding of WHY a certain duck behaves the way it does. You follow? Well, to put it into simpler terms, some ducks go to bed every night praying for a Problem Free world, while the rest of us wakes up, looking forward to a Solution Rich life.
With me, it is in the WHY that you will come to understand the HOW and once you have gotten the answer, will you then find out the WHAT. Confused? Let me explain.
WHY do still I love what I do? Plenty of reasons I can think of, some of which are these ~ My work brings me to places that keeps me on my toes, requires me to meet new faces each day that connects me physically to the world at large, heightens my senses and ultimately triggers my growth. Everyday is a new learning experience, every person I meet stimulates my interests, teaches me a lesson and every setback life throws at me is an opportunity for me to be better than I was the day before. Times are bad but I learn to find the good in it. The more I scrutinize, the less I see the ugly.. What comes forth is ultimately ~ ONENESS, be it strengths or weaknesses. How amazing is that? To be able to realize this, you will have to however not want to be right and instead choose to listen to the truth no matter whose mouth it comes out from.
Same goes with writing. I enjoy doing it. It is my way of being vulnerable and true to myself. Cathartic is the word that comes to mind. When I can't travel, I let my fingers do the walking and I retreat into the comfort of my mind, a place that welcomes me, accepts me, teaches me, loves me and forgives me unconditionally.
HOW do I do that without making others sick and tired of me? Well, I am still a little girl that appreciates a smack or two to the head once in a while to wake me up. My heart might be a little fragile and my ego's way up where it shouldn't be, but Thank God my head is still able to think logically and that helps a great deal for me to accept that the world does not revolve around me.
I relate well with others and they with me. Well, I hope and think so anyway. Having said that, I do acknowledge the fact that I wasn't put on this Earth solely to be liked or accepted by everyone. I am here to discover the best of me and that is my goal and mission in life. I learned how mean people can be at a very young age. Maybe that is why I love animals so much. Their quiet and loving presence brings a sense of calm to one's inner turmoil. I grew up an outcast. It only made me want to belong more and thus my love for Peace and Unity.
I am like a vessel that brings forth love and passion to those who are open to what I have to offer. The only rule I enjoy following is the one that helps me to think outside the box, even if the freedom only comes from living in my head. Some might perceive me as insensitive or indifferent. It is more out of innocence. What people don't understand is that I can feel very deeply and sometimes the only way to avoid pain is to disengage from emotions. Perhaps it is also because I love humanity too much and it is people that I can't stand. I work well in a group, it is the one to one - heart to heart moments that I fear. A definite conundrum. As silly as that may sound, it is indeed a paradox..and something that I am working at to fix :)
By reflecting on my life, sharing my thoughts and experiences good or bad through my words and deeds, I try to live a life full of purpose. Perhaps I am here as a living example of how not to live your life. Whatever it is, if you enjoy reading what I write and think that it makes sense, I am happy for you.
So, WHAT am I really getting at? Trying to heal your soul and mine, one story at a time..
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