Let's begin by letting go.....

I was doing a workout earlier in the gym this morning..happily listening to some songs when all of a sudden Mariah came along, singing this wondrously gloomy song :-

I can't live, if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give any more
I can't live, if living is without youI can't give, I can't give anymore ~ 

I had to really disconnect from my feelings and start analyzing those words instead. Every sentence got me questioning the absurdity behind it. Luckily the song is quite slow and long. It gave me more time to think up of reasons in my life to genuinely prove it wrong. No wonder people go into depression and commit suicide lah!

To tell you the truth, I wouldn't be who I am today had life not dealt me the cards I did not wish to have. Played along I did. Risked and lost everything more than once in fact. I became so good at losing and bouncing back that it doesn't bother me much now. I have come to understand the rules of the game. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. What matters, is that I am still playing.

So what happens when things don't go my way? I get my act together, pick up my pieces, accept my failures, leave my ego behind and move along. My mess becomes my message and I turn my pain into an inspiration. Just like you, I have been out of love so many times that I have lost count but what helps was that no matter what happens, I have always loved ME. My favourite childhood fairy tale has always been The Little Mermaid..Not the Walt Disney Happily Ever After version but the Hans Christian Anderson's version, where she ends up giving up her life by joining the sisters of the air to ensure that she'll always be there in spirit for the ones she loves. I am doomed right from the start. I didn't think much of it back then but now I can see a pattern. From a very young age, I already knew that you cannot force someone to love you but that does not mean that you should stop loving them. Loving them I did. Seeing them happy makes me believe in love more. Weird but true :)

I guess Fairy Tales were not really Fairy Tales. It must have happened in real life for one to have had an idea to pen it down in the first place. It would not have been written had it not been experienced first hand by the writers themselves huh! God knows how many times I have fallen in and out of love. Frustrated much, you think? Not really..I am happy for each one of them. I believe they did not intentionally choose to hurt me. It just wasn't meant to be.Were they ever in love with me? I felt so, therefore I know they did. Even if they weren't, I know I was and that is all that matters. Does having to marry me proves it? WeIl, how many of us really do experience our happily ever afters, you think? It was always good while it lasted. I had beautiful memories with each. Wonderful men they are. Maybe that's why, I can't be bitter. They taught me how to be sweeter. With each encounter, I am reminded of the abundance of what life has in store for me. With each goodbye, a hello follows. Every time I looked back at my setbacks, I can't help but smile and remember, that for each one of them, God gave me a major come back :)

I have learnt to chase dreams not people. The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone, is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away. There will always be someone better than you. They might be prettier, richer or smarter, perhaps a combination of all, but there is no need to feel bad or be jealous for what is stopping you from chasing your own dreams? Everyone is a work in progress and as long as you live, continue being better. I can't be prettier than I already feel, I can't be smarter unless I study more or have the right exposure but I can always be kind and that is free and easy to do. What is most important is for me to never sell myself short. So be happy and be in love with who you are. You have only one life. Celebrate it. Make the best of it! I try to..

Thank God, when I was at my lowest, I went back to basics. No radio, no tv, no technology. Books, books and plenty of books to enrich my understanding. Family and friends to keep me company. Exercise to release my tension and nature to show me my worth. I love music. I got sufficient doses of it from night outs with good friends or attending musicals, concerts and events that have plenty of rhythm in it. I can dance for hours on the dance floor. I don't even need to have a dancing partner or to be intoxicated to get lost in the moment. I now believe that the company you keep is as important as the songs you listen to. Lyrics can be detrimental to one's health if you are easily influenced by what it says. It doesn't help at all to wake you up or give you hope. It is better to know when one should dream or when one should face reality. I think Cher's version is so much better to listen to during times like these..Don't you?

Oh, as long as I know how to love 
I know I'll stay alive, I've got all 
my life to live, I've got all my 
love to give 
I'll survive, I will survive 
I will survive!!!