Thursday, August 22, 2013

Love you forever ♥

To my dearest darling baby,

  9 years ago on this date I had to let you go...You were my first miracle. The ONE that also became my most unforgettable teacher. You taught me joy & pain all in one lifetime. You were my child, my best friend & have been my little angel all this while. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me the opportunity of knowing what it is like to share my body & my soul with another. You carried my hopes & my dreams..The day you left, I gave you a part of my soul to keep.

   I really wanted to be with you badly then but I guess God had other plans for us. You now have a brother. He wasn't a replacement & never will be but he has made me his mother too. You & I both know how much we had loved each other, wanted each other, needed each other..I shall never forget my last memory of you. I might not have any physical evidence of your existence anymore but till today, I remember the image of you sucking your thumb, your face turned towards me, the other hand reaching out as if you were trying to tell me something & us, saying our last goodbyes.

  I remember you blossoming inside of me. You were such a beautiful and good baby. I had no morning sickness. It was a lovely pregnancy. The only time I vomited was the day they told me it's time for you to leave. I think you were already aware. I was unwilling to accept our fate and I knew you were just as devastated. You & I, we were both so, so..sad. I remember us retching for hours, afraid of losing each other. I felt gutted. I could feel your heartbeat dying a slow death. It was my worst nightmare! Having you made me such a grateful mom. Losing you was the hardest thing ever. Moving on was all I could do to make you proud & prove to you that your mom is not a quitter. Just like you, she tries her best everyday to survive & just like you, she wants a chance to be the best that she can be. I might not see you, hear you or feel you..but I know that you are there, watching over me, keeping me sane, giving  me strength, reminding me, that we have been through far worse & that everything will eventually be okay.

  It has been 9 long years. A lot has happened since. Your father is no longer with me. Maybe God knew this was bound to be, so HE decided to save you from a life full of agony. I now understand how much HE loves us. HE brought you into my life to show me my possibilities, HE took you away to lessen my burden, not to teach me a lesson. Stay well baby. Stay happy. May you be surrounded by plenty of love. May you be void of pain, for I shall bear it for you...

  Sending you never ending hugs & blowing you lots of meaningful kisses. May the universe grant my wish in making you feel loved & remembered for all of eternity ♥

" I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be "
                                                                                               Always with love,
                                                                                                  Your mummy

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