Wednesday, May 29, 2013

P-SSNC (...And she ran happily ever after )

I have been happily dating for the last 3 years since my divorce, 4 years back. It took me a while to understand the dating game, as my husband was the only guy that I had dated previously on a serious level, over a very long period of time, before we got married. Dating's fun but it can be pretty exhausting. "I fall in and out love easily." That's what I tell people nowadays. I used to be a one man woman, but not anymore. I have yet to be in a relationship. Perhaps the main reason is because, I have yet to find a man who is genuinely in love with me and till then, I don't plan to put all my eggs into one basket. Don't get me wrong. It's a survival instinct. Honestly, I would really love to fall deeper than I have ever been before and I know that I am ready. The problem is, I am just not THE one for them. Besides, I have been a wife before and a mother now so it comes with a twist, for well as..for me.

Not many men are able to offer me what I want or provide me with what I need. I don't blame them. They don't have the experience neither the know how. To be fair to them, my situation and the way I am now, overwhelms some. Therefore, I am horribly selective of whom I choose to be vulnerable with. Having said that, I have also had my fair share of being taken for granted and being made a fool. I went gaga over a man who was my total opposite once. A good lesson learnt. All I can say is, thanks to the huge amount of positive energy that I have naturally embraced on my own and the people that I surround myself with, I am lucky to not have been further subjected to a series of unwarranted self blaming or jerk addiction. It helps when you give more and expect less. The only thing that I won't compromise on, is respect :)

A dear friend had a chat with me a couple of nights ago and I was surprised by what he had to reveal. Yes, unfortunately shy guys do lose out on much. It is sad, because it is exactly what we women need - GENTLEMEN. A good man who knows how to treat us right. A man who is able to provide us with what we want. An intelligent guy who will not turn our crazy mode ON at any given moment but instead knows how to calm us down and bring out the best in us. My dear sweetheart, please don't blame us. Blame our hormones! As attracted as you are to the next beauty queen (whom by the way might actually be a bimbo in real life), but who cares as long as she has tits that you could dive your face into or an ass that you could slap yourself silly over, it's a done deal right? Well, same goes to us! You are attracted first to what you see, we are at first..attracted to ~ PERSONALITY.

We melt over men who knows what they want in life and is not afraid to be a bad ass to get to where he knows he ought to be. A man who has a life of his own and is a lover not a son. Someone who has the confidence to know that we will not be attracted to anyone else because YOU KNOW that you are good enough. A partner who gives us space and the freedom to be the best that we can be and ultimately someone who is able to make us feel wanted and sexy. There are plenty more other qualities that will turn us on but I am sure that by now, you get my drift. Hence, this is where nice guys fail big time! You are too coy to be suave, you have yet to learn the swag and before you can even give us your best pick up line, someone else has swept us off our feet. Sad but true. History repeats itself. Good men ends up last and the unsuspecting women everywhere, will forever be taken for a ride..( literally to HELL and back ). Isn't it about time we break this cycle?

I am glad that I now know the difference. It'll be great to be loved by a man who has a balance of both worlds. Someone who knows that sometimes, he'll need to be a jerk to win my heart but to keep my love burning for him, I'll want him to continue being nice to me. So there, I am not saying that nice guys are losers but we seriously need you to step up on your game, people! So ladies, till you meet the man of your dreams, never settle for less. You deserve better. Enjoy running a good life till you find each other and to all the NICE men out there ~ Let me be blunt and say this out loud. IT IS ABOUT TIME THAT YOU START BEING CHIVALROUS AND HELP SAVE US FROM OURSELVES ;)

Friday, May 24, 2013

P - SSNC ( Lest we forget )

Many consider what I do is pretty simple and straight forward. It consists of Coffee, Tea or Me..To the ones who assumes such, it's best that you get to know us better and to the ones who thinks they are only capable of doing such, flying has obviously not broaden your horizons neither have you been able to learn much from what it has to offer. I have nothing more to add except to feel sorry for you to have wasted much free education. That is because I have always believed that if you can survive being in the airline industry, you'll be able to work successfully elsewhere.

One of the questions I was asked during my interview was, why do I want to fly? 17 years ago, my answers included I love meeting people, I enjoy seeing places and it's obviously one of my childhood dreams. A year or so ago, when I went for a secondment interview and was eventually selected, my answers included I needed the money, I'd like to progress, I am looking forward to the opportunity of sharing my expertise and experience what it's like to have subordinates from all over the world. Most of all, I wanted to challenge myself and see how far I can go.

We tend to forget the little things when we are burden with life situations. We become frustrated, demoralized and worst off is when it affects our every day living. It is very important that we are able to see the good in everything. I guess flying is like being married. At the start, it's all fun and games. You are 24/7 in love. After a while, boredom and stress creeps in and if you are not careful, that's when you end up being out of love. Not happy? Resign.. Best advise given but how many are lucky or brave enough to do so? Leaving when you have nothing else good to look forward to is definitely not a safe or logical option. Running away from troubles and not learning your lessons is not the right way either. Therefore, most stay stuck and eventually become bitter. It's a terrible disease. It eats you up inside and infects everyone that you are close to.

So how does one continue staying in love, you ask? Well, for starters you got to be positive. See what you can do to make things better. Complaining and making a big fuss is not one of them. You can still affect changes by doing things silently. Start with yourself. Go do what makes you happy. I am sure, screaming your hearts out in agony is not one of them. When you are fulfilled emotionally and spiritually, you'll enjoy life more and what it consists of, people included. You'll be much nicer, more approachable and when you are proactive, you'll automatically be effective. It's a beautiful cycle and it can be achieve when your heart and mind is focus on doing what's right for your own well being.

There are days when I think to myself, why the hell am I still here? 17 years is a long time to be flying. After all, I am meant for bigger things or so I think. Whenever I feel this way, I'll keep reminding myself that no one is unimportant. I am doing exactly what was meant of me. It is how I do it that matters. I can don my uniform, put on my make up and give you my best smile and that's it or I can choose to go a little bit further by being sincere, caring and interested in what you have to say or share with me, to make both our lives a whole lot brighter. My presence might be good enough to be a mild distraction to lighten your burden throughout our flight and you might be able to make my day by making me feel useful, needed and appreciated.

I consider my colleagues, my family away from home. If we don't take good care of each other, no one else will. When we are away in another country, we are all we have. When one is sick, the rest will take turns to keep an eye. If the person is admitted into a hospital and the rest needs to operate home, whichever set of crew that lands into that place on the coming days, will go over for a visit and sends home feedbacks. When we go on long trips and we miss our Malaysian dishes, we'll try to shop for the ingredients overseas and cook the stuff in our crew lounge and have our meals together. We'll go sight seeing, have lots of fun shopping, get lost, find our way back together and protect each other from harm's way. We even share rooms at times so that we can have better sleep when one is  uncomfortable or afraid to sleep alone for whatever reasons. We'll collect money, throw a party, buy presents and celebrate each other's birthdays or pass the cash over, to any of our flying members who were to find out and has to rush home to attend a funeral.

During the fasting month, when the Muslim crew needs to break their fast, the rest will cover for them and do what's necessary. No matter how tiring it is, we respect each other's faith. When the Muslim crew are on a night stop either in China, Hong Kong or Taiwan, our mandarin speaking crew will go all out of their ways to bring us to the halal restaurants or accompany us to the night markets and help us do the bargaining. They don't mind even though they fly into that sector practically every week. Why is that so? I believe it's because they care and they enjoy our company as much as we enjoy theirs.

When I was in Delhi many years ago with two other friends on a shopping spree in Janpath, we were nearly robbed and raped by a group of strangers at an abandon warehouse. Thanks to my Indian girlfriend who speaks fluent Hindi, we were saved and sent back to the hotel without a scratch. I got to thank my lucky stars that day and till today, my girlfriend and I can never forget that incident. The third lady has long retired. There'll be danger wherever you are. " Malang tidak berbau ". That's why it's always good to be aware of your surroundings and it helps a lot when others are there to keep a lookout for you.

I love bringing my family for flights with me. They get to see and understand what I do for a living. At the same time, I get to share with them my joy of flying and introduce them to the ones that has contributed to making me who I am today. It is lovely to watch people when they do things out of love. It warms my heart when others treat my family like their own. The only way you'll be able to experience that, is if you were to welcome them with open arms in the first place. Come fly with me and you'll understand what I mean someday :)

Saturday, May 18, 2013

P - SSNC ( I hear them sing for me and you )

I love the colour green. I love trees. I am a tree hugger. My best friend thinks I am nuts for doing so, but I know better. Some people just finds it weird but hey, everyone's unique in their own way. That's what makes us special. Thus, WEIRD in a funny way is how the ONEs I care for, defines me.
I have a favourite tree everywhere that I call HOME. I live out of a suitcase you see, so there's quite a few, mind you. I learnt at a very young age to derive comfort, strength and patience from trees. They keep me sane. They are so cool, calm and collected. I always feel at peace when I am in their company. People say, home is where the heart is. Being around trees during my trips away, keeps me from missing my loved ones. Alone with myself with a good book in my hands, I sit and read. The trees bend to caress me and the shade hugs my heart. Chewah! Sounds romantic isn't it? But that's exactly how good it makes me feel!

I also used to bring my dogs for a walk those days and we would sit and rest under a tree or two and now, I have my son with me. I am slowly introducing him to the wonders and beauty of nature. When I am sad and I have no one to talk to, I'll share my secrets with the trees. Believe me when I say that besides your pets, these trees are the best! Not only are they good listeners but also the most gracious host. I am sure everyone has a history with one tree or another. I for one have PLENTY. When I die, the best farewell gift anyone can give me is to plant a tree and you'll know, that I will be smiling all the way, to wherever I am meant to be.

Nature is my best teacher. The fact that not all trees or plants are the same and the fact that it has different functions as well as benefits speaks volume about the abundance of diversity that we are surrounded by.. Even weeds can be useful. It depends on how one looks at it. It got me thinking. When I am sad and lost or confused, I have always turned to nature for some soul searching. When I see weeds taking over a certain part of a beautiful garden, I am reminded of idiots living amongst us, trying their very best to pollute us with their ugliness, spreading their seeds far and wide. I am not worried, because I know people who tend to their gardens well will be steadfast in ensuring that it is removed. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to do so, but when it is done out of love, the effort will be repaid tenfold. Not only does it bring self satisfaction to the caretaker itself, the beauty of it will speak for itself! Others will see it for what it is, embrace what goodness it has to offer and will want to have it as part of their lives.

A little plant growing out of some tiny cracks on a wall or cement floor, will remind me of survival. Wild flowers blooming in the most unlikely places tells me that no matter how irrelevant some think others are, it does still serve a purpose by perhaps beautifying a particular spot. Most importantly, seeing something pretty out of the blue does gets one's heart dancing! You can never know. A nobody like you might end up being the best antidote to brighten up someone else's day. You might even end up saving a life by merely existing! That's how life is like and you know what? Nature has taught us all that and more since day one. If only you'll get a little closer and get to know it better.

A lot of people know a lot. Unfortunately many understand little. I was on the highway two days ago from my hotel in Taipei to Taoyuan International Airport. It's a long journey. Most of the time, we were passing by buildings, ugly concretes with no colours except for some beige and whites. The only reason I can think of is, no point having colours on them as it is an earthquake prone country. Sad but true. I felt emotional all of a sudden and turned away to continue watching the movie that was shown on the bus. My mind was elsewhere. I was thinking of what's going on in our own country. I was worried for us.. I have been trying to understand for quite some time now on where is all the anger and hatred coming from and how or what I could do to help ease the tension..and then we passed by a beautiful cluster of trees. It looks like a little forest. I quickly turned my gaze back to the window and instantly felt calm. Thoughts of home and how lovely we are united as Malaysians came to mind. The trees were all of different shapes, colours and sizes..all blowing in the wind. Dancing to their heart's content. Trying to out do each other reaching for the sun but at the same time, having their roots imbedded deep into the ground, helping each other, protecting each other and living peacefully next to each other. That's what we, Malaysians have been doing all these years anyway. What a powerful way to potray such a quiet and regal existance. I was mesmerized. I couldn't hear the music but there was a lively ochestra playing right before my eyes. I could feel the beat and I wanted to join in. Wait a minute. What am I talking about? I am part of this! Imagine, this must be how the world used to view us as a nation or still do, I hope. I wish you could have seen what I saw and understand what I am trying to say. I felt an instant pride for my country, the country I live in and have grown to love. It is wonderful to be able to share the beauty of it with all of you. We could be so much better if we start once again to learn and understand the meaning of together.

Look at it like this. Let's keep it simple. It's my birthday. I baked a cake. I have 3 children. One is a straight A's student. Another is a lazy bum and the 3rd is a ding dong. Do I love any of them less? NO. They all came out from the same vagina. Do I share my cake with them equally? NO. It depends. I divide not based on how much I love them but what is best for them. One might be hyperactive, so I give him less. Another might hate cakes but I will make sure that he eats some, coz whatever mummy says goes. The other one might get a second helping. Why? Coz someone has to finish it and since he loves it so, why not? At the end of the day, was there any left for me? Maybe not, maybe yes. What does that say about me? Who cares? I can sleep well at night. Can you? Am I doing the right thing? I don't know..but we have all been raised that way all these years and haven't we turned out alright? We may not get what we have always wanted, but we were given what we truly needed and that's what made us who we are today. Was I treated unfairly by my parents? I must be nuts to think so! I am who I am because of them. So what is fair and what is not? I still love my parents and I will always be loyal to my family. They might not be right all the time but they are the reason I know how to think for myself now and with that knowledge, I shall change my world :)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

P-SSNC ( What travelling taught me about my own country )

The first time I sat on an aeroplane was when I was 12. Right after my UPSR. A holiday gift from my uncle, Alan. That was also my maiden trip overseas. Destination - Medan, Indonesia. I went with my bro, mom and a few family friends. It was a packaged tour. I remember having a crush on Johan, the tour guide. Such a hunk! Most importantly, he was extremely hospitable. We felt right at home. So, it wasn't a surprise that we had a good time and I enjoyed Indonesia very much.What I remembered most about this guy, was the fact that he is an Indonesian Chinese who is a born Christian. I was confused. First by the name and second by the fact that he spoke in good Bahasa Indonesia, so I assumed that he was Muslim. Then, he shared with me the story about what happened to him and his family during the racial riots in his country. That was my first lesson on unity. It made me realize how lucky I am to be born in Malaysia. Of course at that age, I didn't know about our very own May 13th. I wasn't born yet then. However, from what I have heard, it's good to know that for every man who sowed hatred back then, there were many others who were planting seeds of love.

At 17, I left for Japan as an exchange student under the AFS program. It was an experience of a lifetime. I fell straight away in love with the country and its people. They were amazed to know that I could speak several languages fluently. I never knew how special it is, being a Malaysian till then. I met an old man who was in Malaya during the Japanese occupation and he shared his experiences with me. He was not a soldier, but a clerk working under a fellow countryman living in our country. I could sense his pain and his bitterness..At the same time I knew that he has moved on and did what he had to do out of his love and duty for his country. That was my first lesson on patriotism. I was also not born yet during that era, therefore I didn't know how to hate him or his kind. The ones who took care of me, showered me with lots of love and kindness. I was surrounded by plenty of goodness.

At 19, I joined the Airlines. Best decision I ever made at that time. I went places, I saw things, I experienced stuff and I got to share my adventures with the people I love that no amount of money can replace. I was there at Lady D's funeral. A week later I was there again to mourn the loss of Mother Theresa. I loved New York. Manhattan was a favourite place of mine. I cried when I saw the plane crashed into the twin towers. I have been through a few minor earthquakes and aftershocks. It made me feel lucky to call Malaysia my home. I love to eat. There are times when I am overseas and I reach my hotel hungry and the only place open is China Town which could be at the other end of the world, and I'll be thinking to myself, damn! I wish I could have a Roti Canai and Teh Tarik now. There're just too many wonderful things about Malaysia that we take for granted that sometimes we need to go somewhere else before we realize what we are missing. My work gave me a chance to bring my mom everywhere. She got to relive her childhood dreams through me. Now, I am able to share this joy with my son as well. I have also come to notice that Malaysia is one of the child friendly country ever. You can bring your child anywhere and not get a stare if they were to scream, yell or throw a tantrum. Well, I am sure not many of us can tolerate that but we are just way too polite to not tell the parents off. Being a mother makes me more aware of things like these. Travelling to me, is one of life's greatest lessons and I am lucky that I am able to do this so easily when it takes some others a lifetime to save up for.

I learned that we Malaysians are one of the friendliest and peace loving people around. There are also some psychos living among us but hey! people say, we even have one in every family. So, live with it. When I am out of the country, I am known as a Malaysian. It is when I am back home that some are prone to ask me, what are you? There are of course some nut cases whom I work with that can truly be a pain in the ass but I have learned to ignore them and choose to focus on the good that I see in people. There was once an incident when I first started flying that taught me a few lessons in life. We did a long trip to LA. I got bored of ordering food from the same person who supplies it to us, so I  opted to have my meal at the food court in a shopping mall before going back to the hotel instead. One of my supervisor's, who was the person who volunteered to be the middleman to order food for the Muslim crew, was pretty pissed off with me. He made sure I was miserable throughout the whole trip. At the airport on the flight from LAX to Narita, he kept on embarrassing and harassing me for being a " Murtad". All because I chose to eat Sushi instead of "Ayam Masak Merah." The rest of the Muslim crew were afraid to get involved. There was one guy who stood up for me and till today I'll never forget him. Thanks to him, I enjoyed my trip. He took care of me, made me feel accepted and did what he do best. He led by example. A true leader. He might be a Buddhist but he is more a Muslim than many of us. In the Airlines, we have an Elvis look a like. He is known as SUPERMAN. ( He became a father recently and is currently recuperating from a heart surgery  ). In the working environment, he was the person who taught me my first lesson on how to stand your ground and not let others bully you.

Now that I am a supervisor myself, I try to be a good one. I enjoy sharing my love for flying. To motivate others, you yourself have got to be motivated. Loving what you do is an art in itself, just like breast feeding. It's based on supply and demand. Go figure! When you know your purpose in life, everything becomes a joy. Others will try to break you or emulate you but no one can be you. I used to serve others. I still do but now I see the wisdom behind it. By 'serving' others, my needs are met. Easy peasy :)

Monday, May 13, 2013

P-SSNC ( Seeing beauty in pain )

" Beautiful people do not just happen."

There was once a wedding. A beautiful wedding. I was given the honor to toast to the bride & groom. We had so much fun. It was a wedding full of joy, love & laughter. A dream come true. A month later, the bride's mother was diagnosed with cancer. In an instant, her whole life came to a resounding thud! Someone had to be strong and yet everyone was breaking into pieces. She didn't know what to do so she did what she has always been good at - Not giving up! She prayed continuously, she pushed everyone harder and she got to know her enemy better by doing research. She was not planning to give her mom up to this monster. She broke down many times, she felt lost sometimes but not once did she give in neither did she let her mother see the fear in her eyes. She chose to move back into her parents home, took over as a caregiver and resigned from a job that she enjoyed. Her husband is an amazing guy. They are both lucky to have each other. Times may be bad and they may have lost many precious moments together as they live a few hours apart now but what they lost has now become their strength. For better or worse. Sadly the worse came a little too early for this couple. It was disheartening but perhaps some of us tend to put too little faith in the Almighty. It is moments like these that you need someone the most and he ( her husband ) has proven time and again that he is the right one for her. Mother's Day just passed. I am sure it was a meaningful celebration for all of them. According to her, she may not know what it feels like to be a mother yet..( and I know how much she wants to be one ) but she was happy to have received such a wonderful text from a dear friend that she gladly shared with everyone and I think this deserves to be shared with you as well. His message was " In 2012, I said if I could message your mom, I'd say ~ Dear Aunty, Happy Mother's Day. Thank you for bringing up a person as special as your daughter, whom I hold close to my heart. God Bless. " this year I get to add " In the last year I saw how she transforms to become a mother to her own mother. She is as good as you Aunty. More so now, than ever before. Thank you. For even in facing adversity, you bring out the best in her. " Beautifully conveyed and most deserving! :)

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. ~ Joseph Campbell

Not so long ago there was this guy I knew. A good person. A wonderful father to an amazing child. He and his wife are no longer together. They separated when they found out that she was pregnant. It was the saddest day of his life. They have been married for more than a decade and this child was someone they have both been dreaming of. It broke his heart into a million pieces when she confessed that it was not his. She wanted out as she was in love with another. He was upset, he was angry but most of all, he was tired and broken. He works hard for a living and he does love his wife dearly. Till today, no one knows that he is not the father of the child. Everyone who is close to her hates him. They think that he is heartless to have left his wife when she was pregnant. Even his family members thinks very little of him now. What makes him special from the rest is that he doesn't bother trying to explain what went wrong neither is he interested to embarrass her further. Instead he enjoys spending quality time with the child he calls his and loves unconditionally. The little angel is lucky to have him as a father. May he someday be rewarded for his good intentions :)

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight ~ Kahlil Gibran 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

P-SSNC ( Happy Mother's Day Mummy! You, were my first hero )

Growing up was hard to do. It is even harder when your mom is a single parent who was battling her own inner demons and outside forces.

I was only four when my mom walked out of an abusive marriage. Back then, I was too young to even understand what a huge amount of courage it took her to actually do that, what with 2 extra mouths to feed and no amount of working experience or education to earn a decent living. To make matters worse, her life was so screwed up that she did not want to burden family members, therefore she was all on her own. Kamikaze to the max! Luckily, she was 'GILA' enough to realize that she deserves better. Had she been a coward, we would all be 'dead' by now.

God is great. Thankfully, over the years, there were always angels out there to help us. Sometimes, I do wonder, why us? Why me? Was all this meant to be? Did we ask for this? I remember yelling at my mom those days when I was having one of my tantrums.."WHY ME? I didn't ask to be born!!! Why did you have to marry him??? Why do we have to live like thisssss...WHY,WHY and WHY"! I guess I have been wanting to know the meaning of life from a very young age :) Can you imagine what a difficult child I was? For a woman whose formal education was only till primary 6, my questions were definitely a torture for her and mostly left unanswered! It always ends up either with a beating or a scolding from mom, hence the distance I felt towards her then. At that age, I didn't know life for her was hard. She had to work her butt off to put food on the table while at times relying on total strangers to raise her offsprings. Not only did she lose precious moments seeing her children grow but also lost the love and respect she craves and deserves from them.

Economically, whether she was rich or poor, she never did change her principles or her outlook in life. That was her blessing as well as her curse. When times were bad, her perseverance carried us through but when times were good, she did not know how to enjoy herself and that still saddens me to this day. The biggest hoodwink I got as a child was the fact that I believed her that eating ants was going to make me look prettier. She had to tell me that as I would freak out and not touch any food that has ants on it. There are plenty more unmentionable things she said or made me believe those days and now I know it was all a bunch of BS but hey, a woman has got to do what a man had NO guts to do! Even nowadays when I ask her to use a taxi instead of the bus when she brings my son out, she manages to get her daughter to understand the value of money and the grandson to look forward to an exciting adventure on the public transport. Hehe! Mom's the word..

I used to blame my mom for making my life harder. I hated her for always being nicer and sweeter to my younger brother. You wouldn't believe me if I were to tell you this. Do ask mom and she'll proudly tell you - that's my Jessie. One of my earliest lessons of being independent was to have had to go alone on my first day of school. I was put on a public bus and left to fend for myself. I went off to sleep after crying and feeling excited all at the same time and ended up missing my stop and arriving late on the big day. When I was deemed ready enough, mom bought me a bicycle a year or so later. On one of my rides home from school, I fell off a bridge and nearly got drowned while crossing it. With the help of some good samaritans, I survived, dragged my twisted bicycle and my wet ass home alone. I used to hate my life and I wanted to die for every little thing that didn't go my way. Surprisingly, after all that I had to go through and am going through, I still manage to find something good out of a whole lot of bad and that keeps me going!

When I was younger, I was always embarrassed by the things she does sometimes, like buying a seat in the bus and expecting me to sit on an unpaid seat only to be told off later by someone else or when she was still married and was caught stealing baby formula for my sister Suriya (a blue baby who finally passed on when she was 2) from the supermarket and we were all dragged to the 'punishment room' where mummy had to cry and beg for mercy from sour faced strangers. She was desperate and it was humiliating. This would not have happened had her husband provided for her and his children. Our lives were a nightmare then. An experience I wouldn't want Ryan, my son, to ever go through. 

When she became a 'Janda', it was a different ball game. There were times when she'd introduce strangers to me. Men that I know not of. Faces I disliked from the start. Guys whom I thought were taking advantage of her and pulling her away from me. I was afraid, I was angry, I was confused but most of all, I hated mom!

Now that I am in her shoes, I realized how WRONG I was. She needed love just like me. Some of the guys were good men. Mummy didn't hate me. She LOVED me. She did what she had to do to the best of her abilities. She was not only our mom, someone's wife or ex, sister, daughter or friend. SHE is her own woman! From wanting to have nothing to do with how she lived her life, I now see the wisdom in her way of living. She hated no one. She does things without expecting anything in return. She's totally not bothered about what others think of her. She keeps her worries and insecurities to herself and only shares her courage with others.

There are plenty of things that she does over the years that still irks me to no end. However, deep down, I know she means well and only wants the best for me. We will always have this weird connection going on. Ours is a combination between a scream and a hug but no matter what, I know we will always be each other's number one critique and also the greatest supporter either one of us could wish for. As much as I hate to admit it, she is right most of the times! I am glad and definitely lucky to have her in my life. My very own living legend :)

Ps~ don't bother telling someone you know how they feel, no you don't... Even if you were to experience something similar, different people handle situations differently. My mom and I are both single parents but we got over our tragedies on our own time and we end up creating our own philosophies. No need to get your panties all twisted ladies. Life is good to the ones who seek it, have faith, believe in GOD and love, love, love! Hmm..The question is, not whether you should remain single or married. When there is nothing left, WHAT lies within you that matters. Do you have the strength to survive when all else fails? Heck YES! You came into this world alone, you'll have to go through the valley of death alone.. so, what's the big deal? In the meantime, why don't you just enjoy the ride <3 xoxoxo^-^

P-SSNC ( Let's Party! )

Deliciously GREEN and wonderfully refreshing!

A couple of years back I was invited to a dear friend's birthday party. What set it apart from the rest was the unique location ( ), being the only single 'white' female there and the fact that before the party, I didn't know any of the guests that came except for the birthday boy. Many more were invited including mutual girlfriends of ours but some had to cancel at the very last minute while others got lost trying to find their way into the place after dark. Even though it ended up being just us, we managed to turn it into one of the best " Slumber Party " ever! Since then, some of us have been travel buddies and friends for keeps. You could either spend the day there or sleep over with your family & friends. The choice is yours but it is definitely worth visiting.

Here are some of the photos taken during Don Rahman Rida's memorable birthday retreat :)

                                 Ideally, people who lives in glass houses should party naked :)

                                           "Selamat  Datang" to our humble home :)

                                Natural sunlight, fresh air & soothing sounds of nature..
                                  " Oiii bangun! Matahari sudah cucuk punggung! " :)

                               A hidden treasure right next to town. " Jemput lah datang " :)

                                        Up above, way up high..." Wah! Cantik nya.." :)

                                 Smile for a while..and the whole world smiles with you :)


                                             These guys are great cooks! " Sedap " :)

Doing the elephant walk by the pool :)

Since there was a pole in the middle of the house and two of them are professional dancers..I got a free lesson on how to get jiggy with it. Thank you Terence ~ for the sound system & choices of music :)


" Tanya sama pokok..apa sebab goyang? "

 Some of the nicest folks around ~ From ground to top - Don, Terence, Tommy & Sam :)

Great times, fun friends, good food and a memorable destination! :)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

P-SSNC ( For the love of languages )

I read a post on FB last night and I can't help but agree. " Where else in the world can you use 4 languages to form a perfectly acceptable sentence like ~ Wei macha, you want to makan here or tapau? " It got me thinking.....and hungry......

As a Malaysian, how many languages or dialects do you speak? Aren't we lucky? I love the fact that we are exposed to so many and I find it an asset if one is able to converse in several. After all, communication is vital for one to relay a message and for another to be able to comprehend exactly what was being said. I don't get offended when someone speaks a language that I am not familiar with neither do I feel left out in a group when I don't understand what was being said. In fact, it intrigues me more. I love listening to the sound and tune of it and if I need answers, I'll ask questions. Don't blame others when you do not understand and no, they were not being selfish by not including you in the conversation. It is most likely that, like you & I, we tend to get excited and sometimes it easier to express ourselves in a manner in which we are comfortable in. The flow of the sentence would then sound better and it becomes more meaningful. Same goes with dialects or 'loghats'. It creates a sense of belonging. I tend to speak like an Anak Mami from Penang, a Kedahan or a Perakian depending on where I am that day. I'll switch back to what's norm when I am not there. When you have many friends who are from Sabah or Sarawak, you will tend to speak like them after a while too! Isn't that lovely? Malaysians are awesome!

I learnt how to speak from listening to others talk. Some languages I learnt from school while others I picked up from watching tv. Growing up, I was a huge fan of Hindi films, Chinese, Korean & Japanese drama serials. When I started work and travelled the world, I began to pick up foreign words as I go along. It makes life easier when you are able to do so. This is something you must want to do for yourself. There are plenty of ways to learn it. Either by enrolling into a class, doing it online, getting close to a native and learning from them or watch more tv. It is all about interests and how well do you want to be able to express yourself or understand others better.

In our country, most are able to converse in English well especially the older folks & practically every young M'sian speaks in Bahasa Malaysia. Of course there are exceptions to the rule but that gives us a reason to learn something new, don't you think? I remember at one stage of not being able to talk to my boyfriend's mom at all. She didn't understand English neither does she speaks BM. It was extremely awkward. So, rather than expecting an old lady to learn something new, I decided to polish up my grasp of the dialect instead. I might have not ended up with her son years later but I gain something better. I also find it very funny when I see two Chinese women speaking in BM. That's how my mom was with our neighbour but as the years go by, she is now able to start a decent conversation in her neighbour's dialect. Language is something that needs practice. Don't just think it..You got to say it :)

" If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart. " Nelson Mandela <3

P_SSNC ( The seeds of yesterday..... )

Where do I begin?


                                       Let's start with Hellooo..Yelllow... Mellowww!!!

                                  That's mummy, daddy and my NOT so little brother anymore :)

                         That's mummy's side of the family. She was raised by her aunt & uncle :)

That's my "Patti", daddy's mom trying to hold me tight during the Kadhani Vizha ceremony. No smiley here, coz I was tricked into it :P

                                                    That's Tok Nab. My Tok :)

                                      That's my "Old Man" when he was not that old :)


And that's Otosan, Okasan, Jun & Sho. My parents and siblings from Japan when I first met them :)

                                         So WHAT AM I? Malaysian.....Truly Asian <3

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

P-SSNC ( Where I found my heart's true love ♥ )

" I choose to put my energy where it is most valuable: optimism in the goodness and resilience of the human spirit and a belief in the highest and best outcome for humanity." Cheryl Richardson ♥

A much needed advise especially on the current state of affairs in our very own backyard. I daresay that I have grown more patriotic since. I have started to dig a little deeper and try to remember the good and ignore the bad. It has made me more aware of my own emotions and I feel happier when I am able to RISE ABOVE IT and get over the ridiculous amount of baseless accusations and extreme hatred. We seem to have lost all of our senses, common sense included. What we have grown to experience, live by and believe in is now questionable and the scariest part is, when you don't even remember what you were fighting for. Whether it was right or wrong has got nothing to do with it. You just wanted to prove a point..but at what cost?

Am I not worried about what's going on or what you think is going on? Well, of course I am! I am actually more worried at what's happening to us in the process of getting what you want or what you think we want..Sounds confusing? Oh boy..Now you are talking my lingo. You don't fight fire with fire and you obviously are not supposed to feed the fire unless of course your main intention was to raise hell on Earth. If that's the case, please count me out :)

I have got too many wonderful moments & stories to share about my fellow Malaysians, that you my dear..will not be able to change how I view my world. Don't waste your breath on me nor try to influence me to your way of thinking. I was born with a beautiful, strong and healthy heart complimented by an amazing brain to wisely choose what I will allow in. I am at this age where I am terribly nostalgic and being reminded of the good old days seems to have a wonderful effect on my well being. As soon as I discover what is important to me, seeing the beauty in others and appreciating people for who they are or understanding what drives them, it becomes easier. It's a habit one cultivates and it is very contagious! Fulfilling to say the least. So what do you do when you live in a world that over feeds you with unwanted and unwelcomed news, images and information? Miss Cheryl goes on to say, " anyone who is sensitive needs to be mindful of the information they take in and how they interact with the world around them. "  Wise words indeed..It goes to show that we are responsible and accountable for our own actions as well as that of our mental state of health. It is therefore critical that we know that we are the master of our own body, mind and soul ♥ Never let anyone tell you otherwise.


This is why I love Malaysia so :-