A Tale As Old As Time

It has been quite some time now since I have last blogged. Going back to school has brought me out of my comfort zone and made me aware of my insecurities all over again. I feel like the lost kid in high school at the moment. The difference is, I am way older and my responsibilities are far greater than just wanting to score results. I am flying from one end of the world to another, earning a living, whilst in between, trying to be a mother to my son and at the same time, squeezing as much juice as I can get, out my brain cells! My mind's all over the place, my heart isn't where it should be and I haven't been able to reflect.

It was when I was waiting for my transport home last night, that a workmate of mine, stopped by to greet me and mentioned that she enjoys reading my blogs and was wondering whether I'll be writing the next one soon. When I asked her why does she like reading my blogs, her reply was that, I am every woman. I write from my heart and she can relate to that. It is also more comforting for she knows me, the woman behind the thoughts.

Today I'd like to talk about how hard it is being me. The daughter, the mother, the employee, the leader, the friend, the lover..The woman.

I am all that and more. What if I don't have to be afraid. Afraid of what others might think of me. Afraid of not being able to live up to your expectations. Afraid of being a failure. Afraid of hurting another. Afraid of being selfish. Afraid of wanting what is not mine. Afraid of losing myself in the process of being afraid of AFRAID.

I have been told on numerous occasions by frustrated suitors and friends alike, on how some stupid principles of mine, have gotten me to where I am today. ( I don't date married men or younger guys ). Married men flaunt their wealth at me. Younger men tempt me with everything youthful and fun. I turned each offer and every individual down. Instead I'd love freely for love and love alone..and that is something not many understands about me. That however, does not help pay my rent nor does it feed my child. Nevertheless, if you win my heart, whatever the circumstances, I'd love you with all I have got!

I remember how some of my own family members used to joke telling me when I was way younger and in demand that I should open my handbag before I decide to open my legs for others. Those days, I'd smile and dismiss it. Nowadays, I can understand the rationality behind it. Some colleagues at work even had the balls to tell me straight to my face to stop dreaming big. After all, I am considered used goods with excess baggage. It is about time I land my feet on the ground. Some sweet young girls even told me innocently, to not be competition. I can't help but feel for them.

Nothing is ever what it seems neither are people who they portray themselves to be. Just like you, I am searching for my one true love. Just like you, it is ever elusive. Just like you, I continue to bleed and just like you, I am trying to be true to who I am. In the process, there are days that I feel like a hypocrite.

Who am I anyway? I am Jasmin. A dynamic being that evolves with time and yet worries about whether I am worthy of me. What I believed yesterday might not be who I am today and that terrifies me. It makes me feel weak when I should be strong. As I grow older and see the world for what it really is, I am starting to lose my "innocence" day by day. Deep down, I know that I am fighting a losing battle.

The video below is a testament to one of the sweetest miracle I have ever experienced in my lifetime. No strings attached. No expectations demanded. Only love and generosity throughout. Two good friends, a guy named Ravi Karupiah whom together with his wife Irene Tham, sponsored my trip, last October to Annapurna Base Camp and Casey Ngo, a fellow mountain climber friend of ours, who loaned me all her equipment and climbing apparels, so that I'll be kept warm and prepared for any eventualities. Dreams do and can come true, thanks to my fellow brothers and sisters. All is not lost after all. Everything is taken away from you for a reason and all will be handed back to you eventually, when the time is right in whichever manner and when you need it most. No matter what you do, LIVE your life and love YOU :)

Are you " High Performance " or " High Potential " ?

                                                                  Trust the process ♥

I am prompt to write this, because of an incident that has just happened yesterday with regards to a dear subordinate of mine, whose contract has not been renewed due to medical reasons. It reminded me of my own frustrations once too many a time over the years, when it comes to not being recognized for the work that I am doing.

Where did I go wrong? I wonder. It took me years to finally learn how to accept personal responsibility and to understand the rhythm of my own company and how things work. It is a long process that starts with being accountable for your own actions or inactions and ends with a question. How much am I willing to lose to gain?

I would like to believe and deep down I know that I am a dedicated worker who treasures and appreciates her job much. However, I wasn't one who wanted more than I already have and that is when things went downhill. I became dispensable and was only part of a statistic. ( Lesson #1 )

My first blow was when I received my very own termination of contract letter on the 5th year. I was shocked beyond words to know that I am not needed. More than shocked, I was upset and equally angry. After all the hard work, tons of complimentary letters, near perfect performance reviews, the undying loyalty, the blood, sweat and tears, they wanted me out. All because of a 2 weeks long medical leave, due to an injury that I sustained in Japan a few months before contract was due to end. ( I was shopping in Narita, unaware and in my own dream world, when two little boys came scuttling down the escalator and sent me straight down to the depths of despair ). It didn't even matter that for the first 4 1/2 years, I had not taken a single sick leave. I had no one to blame but myself for not seeing it coming.

I decided to appeal, did what was necessary, put my ego aside and instead of lashing out, I sucked it all in and let the anger go. After all, it is a big organization with thousands of workers. Plenty of hiccups and losing oneself in translation. No one up there knows who I am or what I am good at. ( Lesson # 2 ) ~ It was my own fault to have not shown the right people my worth or how far that I am willing to grow with them.

Needless to say, after saying what I had to say when I was given the chance to say it, in front of the right people, my contract was ultimately renewed and I received my spot as a permanent crew. Instead of harbouring ill feelings or taking things lightly, I cherished my job more to the extend that it has now become a way of life. The rule of thumb is, you cannot expect others to invest in you, if you do not, first invest in yourself.

My ( Lesson #3 ) came at the worst timing. When I experienced a failed pregnancy, a week after the loss, I was required to start back online. After unsuccessfully trying to worm my way through it, ( short of manpower and the fact that if a pregnancy is less than 7 months, I wasn't entitle to receive the post delivery leave that would have been ideal for my recovery ), I operated a long trip to LAX and got myself into a bout of depression and a jelly of a womb. I didn't know my rights neither was I aware of my alternatives. It would have helped a great deal had I known people from other departments who might have been able to offer me a word of advise or expertise in handling situations that I am not good at or did not expect.

When I became a Supervisor 9 years ago, my biggest and most challenging task up to date, is to motivate others to give their best during the worst of times. Taking up the post and being in lower management currently, gave me the opportunity to play a few roles that I enjoy performing. As a figurehead on board, a leader, a spokesperson, a liaison officer, a negotiator and an initiator. Technical, conceptual and interpersonal skills came into the picture. It opened up a whole new world for me, to test my potential. I brought it onto myself that no matter what happens to or with the company, I shall do what's necessary to utilize the resources that I have while at the same time, ensuring that the objectives of the company is met without having to sacrifice any joy out of it. You got to love what you do and when you do something out of love, you'll do it whole heartedly.

The only way I can stay positive and current is to continue upgrading myself. Have a mentor or two. To increase your marketability, you got to specialise in something or be so ordinary that you can do what others would never dream of doing. At the same time, keep family members and friends close to you. Spend time with chickens, cluck like them. Fly with the eagles and you will soar like one! Do not expect others to give you a sense of fulfilment neither are you entitled to anything. You reap what you sow. It is as simple as that. There will always be more lessons to learn. The difference is, how you react to it.

The fear of losing my job is lesser now, for I know that I am able to adapt and learn new things if there is a need for it. It is my good health that I am more concerned in maintaining. Expanding one's network out of your own working environment is a great way of getting support, exchanging ideas and gaining knowledge. You got to find your passion and purpose. The only way to do that, is to know who you are and what you want. To be at the top takes great effort and lots of sacrifices. If you are not willing to do that, stay where you are. Where I am at, it is the survival of the fittest.

All I Want For Christmas, Is My Two Front Teeth ♥

Here is a story of one of the sweetest and kindest lady I know, Safia Atira Bakar. An adorable soul with a smile that lights up her entire face and settles automatically in that twinkle in her eyes.

You see a picture of a girl. I see true beauty from within. It is, in the caring that she lovingly gives. It is the passion that she knows. It is also the beginning of a never ending end. It is the woman that she has become :)

She joined the airlines a few years back and I have known her ever since. The eldest daughter of a pilot, with a number of siblings. It was love at first flight. She's definitely a fun individual to spend time with! We have had some very memorable trips together. A night in Maldives last year, was one of them. She volunteered to be our tour guide cum camera woman back then. At that moment in time, she was taking up photography as a hobby. Before that, she studied make up during her free time. Lucky are those that gets to spend time learning new tricks with her, for she is a generous person. She calls us her guinea pigs. I however think, that we were mostly, a pampered and chosen lot.

                                                                Safia, the big sista'

Speaking of Maldives, we had so much fun and the pictures taken of us, were indeed impressive. I felt beautiful posing through her lenses and I am sure, the effect was just as good for the rest of us who were with her that day.

                                                                      Male ~ 2013

I have always liked her for her vivacious personality. Having flown with her again a few days back, made my day. Since I have not been on Facebook for quite some time, there's plenty to share. My telling her about how excited I am to finally continue my studies was one of them, that out of the blue, Safia told me what a nightmare she had had to endure, during her schooling days.

                                                             High School High!

Amazingly, had she not shared one of her deepest and darkest moments with me, I would not have guessed it, in a million years. Such a vibrant lass like her could not have been a glum and unhappy child. Now that she is ready to open up, I thank her for putting her trust in me and in return, I shall be the vessel that tells you the the story of our very own little duckling, that has turned into a beautiful swan ♥

Safia and some of her family members. It took her many years to finally believe that black is beautiful too ♥

Safia's world turned upside down, at a tender little age of 9. It all happened on a beautiful sunny day, when her mom, aunty and siblings decided to go for a picnic at Sungai Congkak. Everyone was excited and as soon as they arrived at their destination, being the adventurous little girl that she is, Safia headed straight to a big protruding rock by the river and attempted to climb it. Before her mother could even lay out the picnic mat, there was a loud thud and the next thing you know, instead of having a fun outing, all of them were immediately transported into the car again and had an eventful day at the Doctor's instead.

                                                                 Safia in braces at 15 

On that fateful day, she broke her two permanent front teeth! There was no way that they could have saved it, neither was it plausible for them to immediately fix it back to normal as the rest of her teeth, were a mixture of some milk and some fully erupted permanent teeth, thus they had to wait. For nearly 6 years, she was a subject of ridicule. " Buruk tak akak? " was the first question she asked her mom, knowing that her teeth were now different from others and it took her a very long time to accept otherwise. Life was a misery for her. In primary school, it wasn't that bad as she had another guy friend with a similar problem. So, they had each other to console and empathize with. The difference is, boys are not that bothered about their looks.

                                                              Best friends forever :)

High school was a different story. Not only was she ostracized, but also bullied and shunned. Guys spat at her, called her names, hid her shoes whenever she visits the library and girls were horribly mean to her in more ways than one. She ended up being friends with the outcasts. Nerds, geeks and other lonely and wild souls became her confidant. She grew up an awkward child. One who seeks attention in the wrong way. She behaves like a boy, slapping and smacking them to fit in. ( It was only when she started flying as a stewardess that she experience an Ah Ha moment when one of her male batchmates told her off and asked her straight to her face, " Engkau lelaki atau perempuan? " ) That was when she decided to change. From mannerisms right up to the way she dresses, prefering skirts to her love of shorts and pants.

At school, she was angry and defensive all the time. She walked with a scowl and a hunch to cover her face and her body. Her mom used to buy her bright, shiny and lovely clothes to try and make her feel more secure about herself but it backfired. She would get more upset instead. When she refused to wear it and her mom finally gives it to her other sisters, she grew nasty and envious of their beauty. Being mean to her siblings was an attempt to lash out. They suffered the brunt of it. she would cut their hair without their consent, put shampoo onto their head in the middle of the night and say painful words to hurt their feelings. It went on for years and even her studies was affected by all of it. However, the good news is, school was also where she found out the real meaning of true friends ♥

                                                A friend in need is a friend indeed...

Underneath all that, was a little girl who wanted love and acceptance most of all, and when she didn't get what she wanted, she changed her ways by pleasing others instead. She started doing their home works for them, covered their mistakes and took the blame for them, bought stuff and waited hand and foot to buy friendships. It worked for a while. Others let her into their circle but it wasn't long before she realized that she was being used for all the wrong reasons. That made her more furious. She became bitter inside.

                                         A work in progress, a friend  for the long haul

Her family nevertheless, did not give up on her. Once all her other teeth had grown in place, they brought her to the dentist for a transformation. Fillings were done and braces were put in. That was when her confidence came back little by little and her smile opened up wider day by day. Her mom got her uncle who works at a modelling agency to get her into a modelling school to change her posture and gait. She learned how to groom herself better, the models were like big sisters to her and slowly but surely, her past became just her past. She did a few magazine shots, catwalked at some important VIP events and joined the airlines to see the world. Since then, she hasn't looked back. Best part of all, all those who used to laugh at her, are now wanting to be friends with her and the silly guys that were awful towards her are now trying their best to woo her!

Happy New Year, Happy New You!

Safia's latest look ~ 2014

Oh! Did I mention that she loves sports too? I had great fun watching her compete a couple of years back & I loved the fact that her siblings were all there as well, to be her #1 cheerleaders :)

    2012 MH Athletics Meet, Stadium Kelana Jaya. Safia, the contestant and medal winner :)

** How weird life is. I have learned a long time ago to never look down on people, ever.. for you'll never know, whose ass you might have to wipe, someday! And ain't that the painful truth :)

" No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful. " Eleanor Roosevelt

You Jump, I Jump, Right?

I can't believe how fast time flies! This is my 19th year sitting for the Safety, First Aid & Evacuation Procedures yearly exam. It's a wonder that I have not been teaching at training school instead. Perhaps, the joy of flying has always been my first love. Having said that, I am still able to teach, guide & share my knowledge even whilst on board, therefore the need to stay put was never an issue. Maybe, someday..who knows..I shall retire my wings :)

Going back for training is fun. Nostalgic even..Staying current is a must, be it for Safety classes or otherwise. In fact, whenever I am at the Academy, I look forward each time to catching up with old & new buddies ( colleagues & instructors alike ), lovely time outs ( non stop toilet breaks for sleepy me & suicidal breaks for the ciggie lovers ~ plus breakfast, coffee, lunch & tea time in between), gossip corners via CCN a.k.a Cabin Crew News network, admiring the new batch of juniors that are undergoing lessons then, whom I am positively sure, will be working with me in the near future & most importantly, to upgrade my skills or knowledge for my own betterment as well as to benefit others.

Here are some shots & video clips shared by my friends and I, just incase you are interested to know what it is like to be one of us ~ We are not JUST Trolley Dolly's, mind you..There is more to us that meets the eye..Come & let's get acquainted. WE are ~ Ladies & Gentlemen Serving Ladies & Gentlemen :)

                               Aircraft Mock-Up Area ~ Taking A Break After The Door Drills :)

                                                  Cabin Evacuation Drills ~ Done!

                   Ritta & Maria, Swooshing Down In Style..The Co Pilots Buzzing After...

                                                          Keep Calm... and Jump!

                              If Your Dreams Don't Scare You, They Are Not Big Enough..

                                               Wet Drill Practice 2014 ~ Completed!

                                          Child CPR In Progress..Way To Go Siti Hawa!

          Hah! Becka..Becka..Bila Lagi Nak Buli Bos Kau Ye? Sabar Je Lah Izani...Cepatttt :)

                               Shila's Sugar Rush ~  MuAaHaHahHaHaaaah.. ArgHHHH!!!

             Time To Wake Up Babeh! A Kiss By Hot Mama Suerieyana Should Do The Trick ;)

                            Maria's Turn To Perform A Chest Compression On An Infant

                                           Infant Choking ~ Mcza To The Rescue, Yeay!

                                 The Young Ladies & I. They Are Already Leaders In The Making :)

                          Shila's reminding us, " Do It Once, Do It Right. Get It Over With! "

                    Flying Mamas ~ The Real Aircraft Models, Next To An Aircraft Model :)

Cold Feets..Butterflies In The Stomachs..What's Love Got To Do With It? Exam Jitters Lah :P

                                               I am done! Legaaa...Say Cheese...Hehe!

                  Congratulations Everyone :) Happy Flying & Safe Flights Always! Xoxo.....

Rose said, " It is not up to you to save me, Jack. " To which Jack replied, " You are right...Only you can do that. " Titanic


** This blog entry is dedicated to a lovely lady, who passed on earlier last week, leaving plenty still in shock.

                                      MH 20/CDG - B747 Upper deck galley..Feb 1998

In loving memory of Lss Naelah Bushra ~ Part time Safety Instructor, a fellow sister in Kebaya & friend to many. Gone too soon.. A loving daughter, wife & mother. Al Fatihah ♥  

The Whole Neem Yards & Some Chia For Your Thoughts :)

Mom told me that when I was a little girl, daddy used to feed me a spoonful of fresh young neem leaves blended with tumeric and a little bit of salt everyday. No wonder, till today I don't seem to have any aversions towards eating bitter stuff.

When I stayed in the kampung, I enjoyed the malay ulams very much. Unassuming plants that grew by the roadsides, in longkangs or even by the riverbeds, daun Pegaga being my favourite with sambal belacan. I also loved drinking its juice. When I started dating, my boyfriend whom eventually became my husband, would stop by his favourite stall to have some Chendol, while I would walk a few feet away to get my dose of the Pegaga's refreshing juice. You can find plenty of stalls in Penang that sells it. 

My mom, uncle & hubby on the other hand, introduced me to many lovely chinese herbal drinks & soups. From the time I went through puberty till the day I gave birth, I got the best of everything! Most of the times, I am required to stomach the bitter concoctions first thing in the morning on an empty stomach or before I sleep late at night. Some of the ingredients are quite expensive. I was taught from young that all things yummy are not always healthy & a little bit of bitterness can bring you a wholesome of goodness! At one stage, during my marriage days, we even grew our own wheatgrass & have it at the break of dawn.

Most of these, you can get for free if you know what it looks like and where to look for it. Better still if you are able to plant it in your own gardens. Coming back to Neem & its amazing properties, I can't help but be thankful that it is just growing freely right infront of our yard. My mother prefers to eat Buah Tunjuk Langit, ( please don't ask me the English name for it ), while I prefer to eat the young Neem leaves. To me, besides the bitterness, it tastes a whole lot of garlicky too, and I like that. Mom also blends the leaves for us to shower in at times. It seems to have a wonderful effect on my son, Ryan currently. His wounded area doesn't itch as much now therefore, we seldom have to give him his Piriton medication. Google Neem & you'll be amaze by its healing wonders. It is so bitter that even a mosquito will not be interested to suck your blood, hence I am sure chances of us, Malaysians, getting the silent Denggi fever will be next to nil!

                   Grandma & grandson getting the Neem leaves ready for usage.

Ryan's chest ~ 5 days after discharge & two weeks since his unfortunate incident with hot water.

There is something else that my son & I have been eating as well, on & off long before his hospital stay. Chia Seeds. I believe that it has aided in Ryan's cell growth tremendously. ( I want to believe that it has anyway ). On Ryan's first week in hospital, the Dr & nurses told me that Ryan might have to stay in the hospital for at least another 2 weeks. By the 3rd dressing, which was on the 9th day, we were given the greenlight to discharge & no dressings were required on him anymore. What a pleasant surprise for all of us. Only advise, keep the affected area off sunlight for at least another 6 months to avoid from scarring.

Yeay! Power to the Chia! Our favourite mode of consuming this yummy seeds? 2 tbsp for me & a tsp for Ryan, added into our water bottles everyday :) You can eat it on its own or sprinkle it on your food. Drink plenty of water after.

I get my stock from Organic Shops. Mila is the best. It is always cheaper in Australia.

Please Google yourselves or ask the experts for more information & remember to always read its benefits as well as side effects. All these organic stuff is supposed to be good for us. Every action has a reaction though, thus everything has to be taken in moderation. You are what you eat. That is true. Having said that, not everyone can afford some of the more exquisite ones, nor do they have the time or knowledge to prepare what's best. However, keep it simple. Anything that was good for our ancestors, is good for us! Like I have always said, the best things in life, we get for free..like Oxygen :* a Smile :) & even our Mother's Love ♥ Eat right, sleep well & don't forget to exercise!

My grandpa used to say ~ Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy & wise ♥

Cheer Up And The World Will Sing For You :)

                                          One of the walls at the Children's Ward :)

                                       Ryan's first night at the hospital..( 11/01/2014 )

While Ryan was watching Phineas & Ferb, Aunty Doreen came with Beef Noodles for mummy to eat, uncle Syapol bought ice cream for Ryan & Princess Elyssa brought her surprise birthday party pack especially for him a week early♥ He was the first friend of hers to receive it :)

 

Ryan's 2nd Visitor, Aunty Katrina. Ryan loves his mini sports car, thank you! Thanks for dropping by too aunty Celia :)

Our third visitor, Aunty Sukee :) Uncle Shawal, Kong Kong & Aunty Rania came the next day. The rest, that we call family dropped by on the following days onwards :)

  

 Thanks for visiting Aunty Carol..Loved your diving shots! We look forward to joining you again someday ♥

                          Ryan's room mate, 10 year old Nick. They became fast friends!

When Nick got discharged on Monday, Ryan received a new room mate, baby Zikri & his mom, Zalina.

Besides Ryan's Indian aunties ( Jegan, Suguna, Viji & Haema ~ plus all their children who visited Ryan last Sunday ), Ryan's Chinese side of the family came to visit him too! Here is a shot of him with one of his favourite uncles, Michael. 

That is abang Munzeer & his brother abang Munir. Thanks for the Starbucks drinks for all of us as well as sending my mom home, Mun :) Ryan's opening a LEGO airplane set presented by abang Seth. Thank you for teaching him the pee sign Seth ;) We also got plenty of McDonald's ice cream from abang Azali! My dive buddies are AWESOME!!!

 Abang Azali giving Ryan a pep talk..Something about feeling sorry for Ryan coz he'll never have any chest hair to show off ever..Hahaha! Ryan couldn't be bothered coz he knows that his dad never had any chest hair anyway..so I don't think Ryan will have any either laaaaaa...hehe!

                                      The dreaded wound, two days after the incident.

Dead cells removed, scraping done, skin sanitized, ready for the new cells to grow...of course all this was done while Ryan was sedated.

Aunty Josephine & cousin Rachel came to see Ryan. He was asleep, so they left a message on a balloon for him & a present to keep him occupied during his stay.

 Ryan woke up that night & immediately started fixing one of the LEGO sets given by his Auntie! Ryan says thank you also for the dinosaur eggs :)

Uncle Anas dropped by to cheer Ryan up as well. Here are the two of them together.. A little froggy trick with the hands to keep the brave little boy intrigued :)

                            Aunty Amelia came bearing gifts by her & Aunty Daphne :)

                                                       Busy colouring away ~~~

                             Getting the IV line ready in case Ryan needs it for treatments.

With his chest all bundled up & his palm in a bandage..He believes he is ANG, the cartoon character from AVATAR, the series..with super powers of course!

 In the Treatment Room with Nurse Vicky & Wong assisted by kak Ita. Ryan's getting his dressing done.

On the 4th day, which was also Ryan's papa's birthday, he was transferred to a single bedded room, as soon as one was available ( he was on a waiting list ) to avoid from getting infections. Bored to death..No one to play with. That night, his mummy bought him a slice of cake from Starbucks that brought a smile to his face & we sang a Happy Birthday song for Papa's good health ♥

Amma brought a play mat to make Ryan feel more at home :) There's the balloon from baby Rachel & Aunty Rania at the end of his bed. Jenga Boom given by Aunty Ally :)  

 Time to bring some sunlight into his life again. Monkeying around at the Hospital Lobby :)

 The dedicated nurses of Ward 5B. We'll drop by & visit them during our follow up treatment :)

 Plenty of mummy's love, some flowers in her hair & a banana a day, keeps Ryan healthy & gay!

Aunty Grace dropped by in time to present Ryan with a remote controlled car, a day before he was discharged:)

                                                  Goofing around with Aunty Sharon ;)

                                            Ryan's room & our home for the last 9 days.

By the grace of GOD ♥  The miracle that is, 19/01/2014. Thank you to Dr GP Tan, who's incharge of Ryan's injury & Dr Khoo Boo Aik, his pediatrician, in ensuring that Ryan was free from infections during his hospital stay :)

Ryan's favourite nurse, kak Maswati. Good luck in furthering your studies & thank you for winning Ryan's trust! Discharge Day, a week earlier than expected. Woo Hoo!

** A heartfelt thank you as well to the ER staff of  both hospitals ( Columbia Asia & Sunway Medical, Nurse Manager Tham of Ward 5B for taking charge, plus Dr Surendranathan Viswanathan of  SJMC for their initial expert advise & treatments ♥